O Come All Ye Faithful(ish)

Scene: Crowded shopping mall, mid-day, less than 24 sleeps until Christmas. Relatively well-dressed, tall, young (ish) couple walk through the mall carrying a few bags, holding hands. Man is hobbling slightly, woman has official-looking badge clipped to her purse. By all appearances, respectable-looking.

Note: Couple is us.

Me: You realize that less than four months into our marriage, and we’re going to sleep at different times, your back has gone out, and you’ve lost your wedding ring. This doesn’t bode well for us, does it?

Him: Heh. No. What happens if it keeps going like this?

Me: We might have to hire you an understudy, just to fulfill your um….matrimonial duties.

Him: You mean a stunt cock?

Me: Not JUST for that. For taking out the garbage too.

Him: Hah, right. You’d take out your own garbage if I were in serious pain. It’d be for the sex.

Me: Yeah, that’s true. Hey, do I get to pick the guy?

Him: Why, did you have someone in mind?

Me: Umm….no. Of course not. The minute I laid eyes on you, I was blinded by your beauty. I’ve been unable to see other men’s attractiveness.

Him: Suuuuure…

Me: No, it’s true. I had 20/20 vision before I met you. Now I have to close one eye and squint with the other one, and only THEN can I tell whether someone’s remotely attractive.

Him: You know what? Just for that barrage of sarcasm, I’m picking the guy.

Me: Noooo! You’re going to pick someone lame, like Hayden Christiensen!

Him: I would not!

Me: Yes you would! You love Hayden Christiensen!

Him: I DO NOT LOVE HAYDEN CHRISTIENSEN!

(At this point, he realizes that we’re in the Bay at 2pm and there are lots of older women looking at him, and he starts blushing furiously).

Me: Hee hee! Now those old ladies think you love Hayden Christiensen too!

Him: You’re not getting Chris Cornell, so just forget about it.

Me: *sulkily* You know, you smoke. You’re totally going to die before me.

Him: *sighing* I wonder what normal people talk about while Christmas shopping….

Me: *shrugs* How the hell should I know? Hey, are there any shows about serial killers on tonight?

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~ by persnickette on December 1, 2008.

4 Responses to “O Come All Ye Faithful(ish)”

  1. bahahahahahaha
    poor hubby!

  2. Ppht, who wants normal anyways?

  3. hee hee hee – hayden christiansen!

  4. hehehe, he DOES love Hayden Christensen!!

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